To Know a Woman

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

I suppose this is to be my introductory article here on Medium. Perhaps the first thing I should highlight before we move forth is that I am not an expert in any one topic or field of academic study, however much I may like to sound the part. While I am university educated, I’m not someone at the forefront of any occupation. I’m kinda just a guy, really.

What I am, though, is constantly curious. I am always reading. Sometimes for pleasure. Sometimes to satiate my ever demanding need to know. To understand. To collect knowledge like a particularly industrious squirrel collects acorns from multiple trees and storing them away in random locations with the hope of remembering where each kernel is located when the need arises.

It is an odd thing to think about how to describe yourself to unknown people and eyes. What do I want to reveal now? What do I want to unfold as time goes along? What do I want to keep close to the chest? I know that I originally discovered Medium due to my ongoing curiosity to learn more about human sexuality and, to be blunt, to continuously improve as a lover. And I plan on writing about these things and how it impacts and interacts within my wife and I’s relationship.

But as I’ve mentioned, I have numerous other interests that I want to write about. Gardening, nature, science, cooking, books, music to name a few.

Honestly, this idea of how to say hello has always been one of my biggest anxieties in real life so it makes sense that this is the hard part. Like wandering over into a crowd that looks fun and randomly saying, “Uh, hey. Just wanted to say hello and possibly belong but now I’m here and it’s pretty fucking awkward.” It is probably what held me back from writing here sooner. So, I turned to the one person who probably knows me best and is the brainchild for this title and my desire to be better. My wife.

I’ve always wanted to know a woman. A deep dive knowing of a woman. She was the one to fully let me. Continues to let me. And it takes bravery and patience and commitment to say yes to love every day. She does it with grace and calmness. And I could probably write a thousand words right now about all of it and any of it. Saccharine as it may be, it is true. But if I had to pinpoint something that has really allowed me to know her and vice versa is that we allow each other to be who we are. I can share all of the sex articles I read with her because she understands my passions and encourages me to follow them. She may not share all of the same passions but she doesn’t judge or limit me from them. She encourages. And I try to do the same.

It is with that knowledge that I turned to her tonight and asked for 5 words that would encompass who I am in her eyes. Interests. Personality. Whatever comes to mind. If we are being forthright, I waited until our previously consumed brownies kicked in. Not purposefully, as the question came out rather organically. I waited until after she answered to tell her I may use it as inspiration.

She thought for a moment and came at me with these:

Provider (This one actually surprised me as I am, and have been for 8 years, a stay at home dad. She is my sugar momma. And a damn good one at that. But after hearing her explanations, I understood)


Gardener (of plants and ideas)


Immersed (deep)

Well, damn. Thank you, my dear. And while she isn’t wrong, it was way more elegant than I would have come up with. And I suppose that is why I asked her.

I hear some of you thinking, “You know, for an article with a title like ‘To Know a Woman’ you’d think he’d spend more time on describing her rather than her describing him.” But that isn’t just an introduction to this article. It is an introduction to what I will be writing about here. The journey to better understand, to encourage openness without shame, to truly let her feel free enough to let me honestly know a woman.

If you’re still with me, welcome. I’m not here to make money or convince anyone of anything. I enjoy words. Both reading and writing them. It’s been a while since I’ve written consistently. I think I’d like to try to continue to do so. And maybe get to know some other things along the way.

Special thanks to Meaghan Ward for giving me a bit of advice on doing an introductory article.

Lover of human sexuality, nature, reading (fantasy, horror, sci-fi), the written word & much more. INTJ.

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Edward Riley

Edward Riley

Lover of human sexuality, nature, reading (fantasy, horror, sci-fi), the written word & much more. INTJ.

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